The Fawn Response: Trauma and Over Explaining

 This is a page from my own personal book- my life. 

There has been a time in my recent past when I felt I didn't had any other way in front of me other than explaining myself to convey my points. I always felt like if I don't defend myself, everything would look like my fault. If I don't convey my truth, how would anyone know my side ? There were so many thought triggers I can list out here one by one. But the real question I should have asked myself then was, are you actually this person or have you ever been this person ? And when I reached a point after a lot of introspection where I could answer this to myself clearly with a NO in bold letters, I knew something had changed and that change is not my normal. Gathering myself back was not easier however in some way I had to do that. Last week, what I shared is a brief of my experiences and it was also an attempt to identify if the same need would arise again or not and luckily it did not trigger up much so I can say I am atleast progressing in the right direction. 

 Fawn Trauma Response : An instinctual trauma response associated with a need to avoid conflict and trauma via appeasing behaviors.

Fawn Response is something which needs a lot of explanation and that is beyond my expertise but I can relate to Trauma and Over Explaining which comes under Fawn Response and how to mitigate that better. 

Why Over Explain ? 

-> A need to make people understand where you are coming from and your reasons 

-> Being gaslit, as gaslighting can make you feel like you must be vocal or you should explain yourself

-> A need to justify yourself or your decisions to make someone accept who you are and how you think

-> To keep yourself safe, this safety concerns comes up due to overthinking or unhealthy thoughts triggered by the trauma experiences

->  To maintain peace (which is hardly the end result when you over explain)

-> A need to defend yourself, again a consequence of gaslighting or a similar trauma trigger

How to Mitigate ?

 There is hardly anything which time and determination can't heal. But when it comes to emotional and mental conditions, being able to look at yourself and your actions from a neutral perspective or third person's eyes is the key. If you are not able to do that on your own, you should seek help and there is nothing wrong in that. Luckily I've got me is not just a boastful statement in my case. What helps me could be my awareness that like any other person out there I am also just a work in progress being. 

When it comes to mitigating over explaining, first thing you should understand that it is triggered subconsciously. Bring in the myth of rewiring your subconscious or atleast your conscious thoughts which will input better  to your subconscious thereby allowing subconscious to slowly reiterate and divert your need to over explain. 

-> Observe your thinking, thought patterns and your actions and ask yourself as much as questions as you need to get clarity on the situation. (It might be difficult to answer some difficult questions to others but to yourself you can always answer clearly because you know yourself better than anyone else)

-> If your answers covers most of Why Over Explain? , it is time to bring in a change to your own thinking willfully. 

->  Note down the impact your actions are causing on your psychological well being.

-> Do a reality check on how it is impacting you as a person, your well being and also others who are closely related to you. 

-> Identify what is your mode to unwind or rejuvenate yourself or what is your stress reliever ?

-> Give yourself time and effort to burn down the stress and uneasiness, patience is always the key. 

-> Once you have successfully reached this stage, you would be able to clearly identify the exact trigger of why you have been doing this.

-> Identifying the cause is all it takes to resolve any issue.

-> At this stage, it would be a choice whether you want to solve your issues or you want to continue your actions because I can confirm that no one is coming to correct you if you think what you are doing is right and solving would take effort, time and patience from your side and it is not going to be easy but the end result would be an improved you, guaranteed.

-> Once you choose to solve this, ask yourself what would work for you to divert your thoughts. It could be a hobby or interactions with a peer group or investing your time in something constructive.

 This investment is going to profit you psychologically as it will improve the quality of your thinking over time, again it is not a direct impact rather a psychological one so don't expect a quick result and do your creative investments on intra level consciously to come back with a conclusion that it wouldn't work. Because, that is not how it works. 

-> At this point, you would be at a place of acceptance. If that trigger was raised from a conflict of any sort which can be solved, this is your chance to solve it. But, having said that please understand over explaining is a consequence of a serious trauma and by that I mean there are solvable as well as unsolvable conflicts which can trigger a trauma. Attempt to solve a conflict only if it is solvable, if not focus on your progress.

-> If that conflict can be solved, peace can be maintained and it is a good thing.

-> In case of unsolvable conflicts, continue to invest in yourself, consciously make a shift in your thoughts, which will effectively change your subconscious, thereby bringing changes in your behavioral pattern and slowly taking away your need to over explain. Maintain peace within yourself and re-establish your well being. 

Happy and soulful living.. 😊✌