Guilt

Someday I would have to write down the truth..

I know I took long to write this down but what made me write down a loving memoir is not just an article to remember Monisha because I know I don't need any article to remember her, she is there safe and sound forever, but it is also my guilt. I never ever shared any memories with her anywhere. She used to celebrate me everywhere anytime she got a chance.

Back in first year after she arrived college from her sick leave was the first time I stopped talking to her but she once told me that if I hadnt stopped talking to her she wouldn't have patched things up with him again because she had returned even that gifted phone. But once I stopped talking to her, she didn't had anyone to talk to and then there's this news that Devu stopped talking to her, so many people would have avoided her and I still even remember how Suresh sir convinced me that I was doing the right thing and how I shouldn't have been friends with her ever in the first place. I didnt know what I was doing then, she valued me so much. And even when she called me days before she decided to do that I could have opened up to her about all that shit I was going through yet i didn't i just acted like all was good and fine. If I were just like her she would have opened up to me and the way she valued me all it would take was one word to bring her back. I don't know who is right and wrong because I don't , but I know one thing, a life lost is a life lost. And that good girl image, dept topper image, that means nothing if you can't be there for someone who valued and looked up to you in every step she took. It means nothing. If I didn't had stopped talking with her after our first fight i could have changed all of this for her.. remember the time we made vishu kani using those smelly flowers in place of konnapoovu during our last sem study hols monse, i haven't prepared a kani since you left us all. I'm sorry my dear, i think not saying my truth is the reason why I'm still suffering even after all these years. I want you to know that if I had known better i would have been there with you even after we fought that day, i would have changed all of these for you..